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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to discover that an online journalist a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to use the facilities back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|