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On occasion, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles believes he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments can become “highly unrealistic”, he states. “You are on cloud nine and you think, ‘People will see that I’m better than them … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

In his case, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically coming after a “crash”, where he feels deeply emotional and ashamed about his actions, making him highly sensitive to disapproval from others. He first suspected he might have this personality condition after looking up his traits on the internet – and subsequently confirmed by a specialist. But, he questions he would have agreed with the assessment without having already reached that understanding personally. When someone suggests to somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – particularly if they experience beliefs of dominance. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they made for themselves. And that world is like, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding NPD

Although people have been labelled as narcissists for over 100 years, it’s not always clear what people refer to as the diagnosis. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” explains an expert in narcissism, adding the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he notes many people keep it private, due to significant negative perception linked to the illness. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to bolster one’s self-esteem through actions such as pursuing power,” the expert says. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in Narcissism

Although up to 75% of people identified as having NPD are men, studies points out this statistic does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that women with NPD is frequently manifests in the less obvious variety, which is often overlooked. Male narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, as with everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who discusses her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

Personal Struggles

It’s hard for me with receiving negative comments and rejection,” she shares, since when I’m told that the issue lies with me, I often enter defence mode or I withdraw entirely.” Even with this behavior – which is sometimes referred to as “narcissistic injury”, she has been attempting to address it and take advice from her loved ones, as she aims to avoid falling into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. I used to be manipulative to my partners as a teenager,” she reveals. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she says she and her current boyfriend “maintain an agreement where I told him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if my words are controlling, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood mostly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of supportive figures during development. I’ve had to teach myself continuously what is suitable or harmful to say in conflicts because it wasn’t modeled for me as a kid,” she comments. There were no boundaries when my household were belittling me when I was growing up.”

Origins of Narcissistic Traits

Personality disorders tend to be associated with early life adversity. Heredity is a factor,” says an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “connected with that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to manage during childhood”, he adds, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting particular demands. They then “persist in applying those same mechanisms as adults”.

In common with many of the individuals with NPD, one individual thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual shares when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve academic success and professional advancement, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “worthy.

As he grew older, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he states. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t experiencing genuine affection, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, in a comparable situation, has difficulty with mood stability. She is “highly empathetic of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he says – it was actually she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

After a visit to his general practitioner, John was referred to a clinical psychologist for an evaluation and was informed of his condition. He has been recommended for therapeutic sessions through national services (ongoing counseling is the primary approach that has been shown to help NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the waiting list for a year and a half: It was indicated it is expected around early next year.”

John has only told a few individuals about his condition, because “negative perceptions are widespread that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, in his own mind, he has accepted it. “It helps me to gain insight into my behavior, which is beneficial,” he explains. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are looking for support for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the presence of individuals sharing their stories and the rise of virtual networks suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number